Guidelines for Feedback
Feedback is more likely to be received well if the other person solicits it. Try to give only as much feedback as they can hear usefully. You could do this by asking them to identify a couple of areas they would like feedback in.
Most of us are only able to change one facet at a time. Trust that there will be other opportunities to give more feedback in the future, provided things go well with the first piece.
Feedback has to be delivered in a way the other can HEAR it. Below are some guidelines to help you come across in a way others can hear.
You can use this template and note the sentences down until you feel more confident to construct them in the moment:
“When you …………...........… and I …………...………….., I feel ……………..……………”
If things degenerate or turn to argument and blame, then pause the meeting and return to it when things are calm.
And remember, none of us have to accept the feedback offered. Most of the empowerment of giving feedback is in being able to give it effectively and express our needs, regardless of how the other chooses to respond.
© Belinda Rydings, Clearspace Coaching, 2017
Most of us are only able to change one facet at a time. Trust that there will be other opportunities to give more feedback in the future, provided things go well with the first piece.
Feedback has to be delivered in a way the other can HEAR it. Below are some guidelines to help you come across in a way others can hear.
- Feedback should be timely. Aim to give feedback in the moment, if possible. It not possible, that’s ok too. If emotions are running high, then allow time for things to cool down first.
- Feedback should be specific and to the point. For instance: “The meeting went really badly” is not as helpful as “There were moments when it seemed there was a power struggle going on, and other times when I thought you seemed disengaged. What was going on for you?”
- Feedback should focus on strengths and/or something the person can do something about. Aim to build on strengths in areas where change is possible. There’s no mileage in telling someone multiple things that are wrong.
- Adopt a non-judgemental tone and body language. Try not to evaluate, as in “You presented very well” – rather be factual and specific “Your confidence and belief in the project really shone through as you presented the deck”.
- Most critical of all, and very important to practice – Use language that another can hear.
It is helpful to focus on the exact behaviour and it’s impact on you.
For instance, “You’re always late and I hate being kept waiting, you don't care about me” is very hard to hear, whereas “When you are frequently late, and I'm left waiting on my own, I feel that you don’t consider me or my time as important. That makes me annoyed/sad/frustrated.”
Notice the emphasis is on how YOU feel, and not on the other person per se. You are only referring to their behaviour, as opposed to them being ‘bad’ somehow. In this way, the other is able to hear and has to accept that it is your experience, whether they agree or not.
You can use this template and note the sentences down until you feel more confident to construct them in the moment:
“When you …………...........… and I …………...………….., I feel ……………..……………”
If things degenerate or turn to argument and blame, then pause the meeting and return to it when things are calm.
And remember, none of us have to accept the feedback offered. Most of the empowerment of giving feedback is in being able to give it effectively and express our needs, regardless of how the other chooses to respond.
© Belinda Rydings, Clearspace Coaching, 2017